Please enjoy this encore release
A year ago I had a broken heart. I left a long-term relationship because I had developed feelings for someone else. I had spoken to my new love and understood from what he told me he didn’t see me that way, even though we were (and continue to be) very close on other levels. It was still a deal-breaker for me. I left my relationship, and part of me hoped he’d change his mind when he knew I wasn’t going back to my former love. He didn’t. I wasn’t surprised, but I hurt nonetheless. I hurt for what I’d lost that I’d had with the man before, for what I’d longed for and never had with the newer love.
That was probably the best thing ever to happen to me, of course it never feels like it at the time.
Over the months I struggled with my broken heart, my estranged state from my family and the seemingly complete absence of love in my life. From what had seemed like a life full of love only a few months prior. I started really examining the experiences of love. The main thing I’ve learned in the past year is that we never actually stop loving anyone. Life doesn’t work like that – once you’ve actually loved someone, you love them forever and you just pick your heart up and keep going. Society would have us think you stop loving them, but that’s because society these days has forgotten what love is.
To understand what love is though, first, we have to notice what love isn’t. As I worked through my pain, I stumbled upon a finding that was almost more painful than the heartbreak itself. I started to realize that my new love carried my shadows. I wasn’t comfortable with authenticity yet, nor was I aware how to get there, but what I became slowly aware of was that I censored myself in his presence. I played a role, played up aspects of myself I knew he would approve of, silenced things I knew he would disagree with. I didn’t mention I was becoming spiritual, that I practically woke up one morning to the realization that I wasn’t an atheist anymore. I didn’t mention I had realized I wanted to be a life coach. I glossed over things that were really important to me. At the time, I didn’t believe my truth made me worthy of love, or that if I moved towards my truth, the right person would be there waiting for me. At the time, his approval was more important to me than my truth.
When you get below the surface, however, nothing is ever more important than your truth. You will never be happy with someone if you aren’t yourself when they’re around. Intuitively, I knew this. So I slowly began to heal my paralysis around him, to be more authentic in his presence. One year later I’m still working on this, but I’ve made a lot of progress. They say it’s like going to a gym – you take baby steps, and eventually you get there – don’t just expect yourself to wake up one morning completely authentic around everyone.
Around the time I was coming to this realization, it occurred to me that if he had behaved as I had wanted him to, and wanted to be with me, I would never have grown in the way I had – I would have been stuck in all my old patterns, role-playing and keeping one eye over my shoulder lest someone find out who I really was. I remember hearing someone say, “if you love someone, but you aren’t compatible, keep loving them, but take the romance out of it” – or that was the sentiment anyway. That seemed to fit. It took me a long time to internalize that my new love really couldn’t be what I was looking for, not just because he didn’t see me that way (which is pretty much a deal-breaker in itself), but because of my authenticity issues.
The lessons I learned were simple but crucial. Love everyone. Love everyone more for everything it may seem like they are putting you through. Just, whatever you do, make sure you love yourself first – that’s the only way you could ever come out the other side, and eventually, have everything you deserve in life.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?
Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:
Sadie Fulton is a 23-year-old with a massive vision for the world and a million different avenues she pursues to help get it there. She grew up traveling and has developed into a full-time activist, full-time lover of humanity, part-time musician, and she is now training to be a life coach. Above all, she wants to reach people and bring on a new era of love. If you want to share with her, get her perspective on something you are going through, or anything else at all, send her an email at sadie.fulton *at* gmail.com.