My best friend Rina was a strong lady.
She worked as a supervisor of a team of caretakers at an institute for mentally retarded children. She was very good at what she did, even the most difficult patients could be sure that she would understand their needs.
She coached and trained her team to offer the best possible service to the people they had to take care of.
Every year she traveled with backpack to the most beautiful places in the world. She was still single but enjoyed her life and lived it very intensively.
Sometimes she suffered from pain in her joints, but nothing dramatic, at least it didn’t stop her from living her life the way she wanted.
One day she decided to find out what it was that I was teaching in my meditation classes.
She joined a group. After the third lesson she went home with strange tinglings in her arm.
The next day she had a confusing day at work, was not able to make straight decisions.
The next morning she came to help me with the practical arrangements for a Reiki class.
She felt not so well, and I asked the Reiki Master who came in to do the initiations to give her a quick healing before she would leave so we could start the class.
She literaly collapsed in her chair during the healing, and we had to put her in bed. She could not stand on her feet anymore – too tired!
That evening after the class we called a doctor. The next thing happening was that two ambulance nurses carried her down the stairs, put her (who had worked with people in a wheelchair for so many years) in a wheelchair! – and off we were to the nearest hospital.
After the examinations the doctor came with his diagnosis : it was all ‘between her ears’ !!!
Nothing physical was wrong with her!
Later we received a name for this thing ‘between her ears’ : Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
That was the beginning of a 4 year long journey to get her to have a life again.
Day after day together we walked step by step through all the corners of her emotional and mental body.
Except for some magnesium tabs and some St. Johns Wort tablets she never took any medication during this 4 years. It was obvious to us that if it was ‘between her ears’ there was no need for physical medication.
We had countless Reiki sessions, inner child work, chakra work, consciousness raising exercises, about 40 spontaneous past life regressions, and at last 3 All Love (SKHM) workshops.
And after that third workshop the mission was accomplished. She had cleared herself from so many energy consuming trauma’s in her emotional, mental and cellular memory and like a Phoenix from the flame she rose up from her ‘disease’ and was fully and definitely healed.
She learned a new profession, lives with her partner a joyful and well balanced life, and knows that no one and nothing will ever take her strength and her power away from her.
It is with gratitude to her courage and with her permission that I have translated the story of her healing journey she wrote after being fully recovered into English.
May the story of her healing inspire you to heal your own life of anything that may not let you live it to it’s fullest potential.
The longest journey – the story of a soul travel
Almost four years ago suddenly I became very tired, not just a little tired, no… so tired that I could not leave my bed for the first few days, I had no strength anymore, I wasn’t able to function normally anymore. My life has been turned around, all action was removed from it, it became silent around me … I tried to survive.
Society was too busy, too noisy, too demanding, too … too… too… everything was too…
I tried to adjust as much as I could, my life became quiet, silent, cozy… I started to choose friends and the things to do very carefully … everything that had something to do with healing or enjoying myself could stay, the rest of it was excluded, at least… as much as possible.
This big society we live in, have to perform in, have to go with the flow of it, have to drive through, have to do our shopping in, have to do so much in… I could not adjust her, … and she would not adjust to me… also here things became excluded, as much as possible, at least.
I learned to let go, to ask for help, to not join, to watch without taking part of, second hand enjoyment (co-enjoying of the life of someone else), wanting and not being able to, to be glad with little things, to be satisfied instead of being happy… in order to survive.
Surviving perhaps would work out, but surviving and LIVING… that’s not the same thing ! !
I realized soon that I had to search by myself. Inside of me was the source of all this and as well as the reason and the solution.
Doctors, therapy’s, medication, … it didn’t feel like ‘my place to be’, I didn’t believe in it, that’s not where I had to search for my wellness. No plasters, no pills, no remedies, no new addictions… only my own strength is what I needed, I wanted to find my own ME.
If I wanted to LIVE again I had to consult me. I didn’t have to get some life from others, I could not buy or borrow some. No one could give it to me.
Inner growth was needed, inner knowing, waking up.
A special friend helped me to find the common thread, she supported me, she supported for me, she was a signpost and a mirror, she confronted me with myself, she cried and taught me how to cry, helped me to get up again and let me fall… so that I could learn to get up on my own. She guided me in her unique way… but above all this, she believed in me!
I met myself,… I discovered my loneliness, hidden deep inside of me, I looked my fears in the eyes, scared to death. I realized the force of my thoughts and fixed patterns, lord and master in my house. I didn’t want to see them before. I also realized my sensitivity, firmly pushed away, and I found my desires and wishes, strictly kept confidential. They were not allowed to be there at all.
The past has been shown to me, the distant past, and I was learning. I wanted to learn this for the future, to get everything out of the past what it contained,… not to stay stuck in it, not to feel sorry for myself or to blame others for my pain, not to hide behind it, but merely to burst out of it, to grow as big as I could grow, … to be who I have always been.
I understood that loneliness, I felt my sensitivity, I saw the fears inside of me. My desires received a place, my thoughts received a floor. I saw them, I recognized them.
But I did not want them, I did not want to see this, did not want to feel this,… that wasn’t me, that had nothing to do with me.
Yet I could not escape it, again and again a new confrontation occurred, … I could not keep denying this, if I wanted to go on I had to look honestly, feel honestly and most of all … be honest.
There was so much inside of me, … I discovered a world inside of me, a world with many inhabitants. There was the victim, the murdered one, the raped and abused one, the suppressed one, the weak one, the infant one, the pathetic one, the strong one, the murderer, the suppressor, the manipulator, the healer, the writer, the servant, the angel, the god inside of me…
I met the child inside of me, you have been hidden very well haven’t you, the woman in me, so neglected and abused, the mother, denied and forgotten, the caretaker, yes, you I did know already, the bitch, oh, so you are there also, and gee, there was even a man in me, where do you come from, and there was also the fairy, so subtle.
I accepted them and I even learned to cherish them, … they were mine, and mine only. I could acknowledge their presence, it was allowed, they were allowed to be there, they were mine, they have shaped ME, … the very one who I was.
… to be continued in a few days…