Part of the image I like to project is that I have boundless energy, unlimited courage, the strongest back around. I allow my loved ones to leave their burdens with me and end up walking through life like a donkey.
This week I picked up too much.
I will never share a secret in this blog that isn’t mine to share, but what I will say is that in the past few days I have been given a family crisis, a strong revelation that I wasn’t anticipating, a possible loss of someone very special, and a lot of beautiful miracles that somehow got stuck in all the muck. Maybe the universe gave me the last part so that I could manage the rest of it.
On Friday I was digesting Thursday’s news. On Sunday I was digesting Saturday’s. Today, I arrived at work with mini tornadoes in my shoulders, thighs, and chest. The slightest remark felt like a tsunami.
When, towards the end of the day, one of my friends who doesn’t know about energy work commented that my energy was tense, I knew I was in trouble.
I asked my heart. My heart told me to visit a woman who is an energy healer. Truly I am blessed to have a heart that is so much wiser than I am.
My ego fought back, of course.
“She’s booked for weeks.”
Go see her.
“You’re taking advantage of her.”
Go see her.
“She’ll never have the time for you.”
Go see her.
“Your problems are nothing compared to the people she works with.”
Go see her.
“She won’t be able to help you even if she wants to.”
Go see her.
My precious heart. She doesn’t argue. She doesn’t put forward counter-arguments. She doesn’t play by the rules of the ego or super-ego. She just tells me what I have to do, and continues to remind me whenever I consult with her. What a treasure.
Some part of my mind takes sides with my heart. This part has realised it should always trust her. It pitches the counter-arguments to my ego. My heart just smiles at it lovingly, saying, you don’t need to argue my corner, it’s okay. So I go in. Ego continues to fight, but at this point I have just put it to one side.
I wait around for a bit thinking through everything, feeling where my energy is damaged, trying in vain to decipher my next move. My heart, when I ask, just says keep waiting for her. Apparently I am not supposed to plan things too far in advance. Mind storm continues. At some point, my heart also points out to me that I am resisting my discomfort. This is after a voice (which I still haven’t identified) told me earlier that I will continue to feel this uncomfortable until the revolution. I am wondering how I will manage to live through this much dis-ease for that long. (How long do you think it will be?, asks my heart).
Terror of terror. How useful. I wonder why we build layers of a single emotion onto itself, like feeling guilty for feeling guilty, or feeling worried that you might worry later. Or in this case, fear that I will continue to feel fearful.
Okay. Whatever you say, my little mindstorm. You torture me sometimes, but my heart says I must love you anyway, because you are doing your best to protect me the ways you know how.
My healer friend walks in and sure enough she chats with me for about 30 seconds before I say “my energy is all out of whack, you probably noticed” and she says “yes, you are very drained”. She takes me upstairs to do a healing session for 10 minutes.
While I lie there she lights a match and holds it near me. She seems to be writing Sanskrit on my forehead. She is clearly a magician. My mindstorm plays like a skipping record – doubling back, stopping for a while, coming back harder, focusing on little things. Dragging things up. I check with my heart, should I just silence my mindstorm? You can’t silence it by force. Let it do its job. It is bringing up things that need to be healed while the healer heals them. Thank you, my wise one.
She has focused on my third eye chakra during the cleansing session. Now instead of my problems being ignored she has provided me with the tools to be able to see to the next step. Maybe my heart was the one who needed her assistance all along. Maybe my ego was irrelevant here.
My ego doesn’t like this thought. It wants to be the centre of attention. It wants my heart to focus on it rather than on herself. My heart asks my ego if this is a lesson we need to learn together in terms of my own healing and my own priorities.
As I leave I am still a little shaky and my super-ego still wants me to put on a big scene to show my healer how grateful I am. I just look at her and my heart chimes in again, she already knows you are grateful. Relax. You don’t have to make a scene.
The storm is still under way, but I am ready to take my next step now.