Over the past several years, I have very consciously weeded people and situations from my life. Two highly toxic and drama creating friendships were quite brutally amputated back in 2011. I have no regrets and think of the women in my prayers but have no desire to ever be in their company again…My romantic life shifted too when I decided I would only ever settle for complete and utter commitment and soul mate love of the highest order – I stopped hoping mediocre or half hearted relationships would turn into this and just halted any dating that seemed to be wishy washy or half hearted. All or Nothing thank you very much.
I stopped going out searching for entertainment, usually involving drink and partying at the weekends if I was free. I started to nurture myself and my own company, and my home. The more I did this, and the more awakened I was becoming – the more I became very sensitive to the energies of others, either in their homes, or out in pubs, or anywhere really. I started to become careful of where I chose to be and who I chose to hang out with.
I am now in a situation where I have a lovely close circle of trusted friends. I still find that sometimes one of their energies suits me and my mood more than another…so I may not really feel like going to Rachel’s house for example, because I find her to be slightly draining, but I still care for her and want to be good friends. Not quite sure if this is ok. I love her, but she drains me….I feel fine with just seeing her occasionally. The nature of my life right now anyway is in transition. I really only have about two or three girlfriends I text and see regularly. And this suits me fine. I am very busy. I like my own company more than ever. I have a lot on, working and parenting, arranging a trans Atlantic move and a wedding and living with my parents, which is intense.
I have got to thinking though, recently, about my relationships to others, my approach to acquaintances or colleagues. Mahatma Gandhi advises:
“If you don’t find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further.”
And I do believe each and every one of us is an expression of the divine.
But I just don’t LIKE some people. They ANNOY me. I recently encountered two women who I found intensely irritating. I was working with them at quite close quarters at a conference in another town. I thought they were catty and childish, insulting and rude to me and to others. The situation reminded me a bit of the high school cheerleaders picking on and lording over the geeks. But these are 40 year old women. I thought it was pathetic and quite shocking behaviour. I bit my tongue twice and sent them love when I heard a bitchy comment. One girl in particular really got my hackles up. So much that when I was falling asleep a week later I was fuming about the way she spoke to me. .. I was debating if I was right to say nothing, send love and ‘breathe through it’ and also wishing I had just pulled her up on it there and then in front of everyone else. The only action I could take to make me feel better was to remove her from my facebook friend list. As soon as I did it I started fretting, will she EVEN notice? Do I care? Should I just tell her why I did it, if we ever meet again and the subject comes up? Ellen, why did you remove me as a friend? Because I find you to be quite rude, disrespectful and I don’t like you very much?
The other week I removed a girl I was friends with on facebook because she posted a picture of her baby daughter with a gun. Well, first of all I commented on the picture, and her response was so aggressive and hysterical I just deleted her friendship – up until then I had liked all her good quotes and vegan recipes and yoga pictures. But that was enough, snap, done.
I feel very empowered to choose what energy I allow into my space. I believe law of attraction means I find myself surrounded with lovely people in lovely situations generally. Those I describe above are unusual for me, but they do happen more often than not. I am not living in an ivory tower or in denial. I truly believe our circumstances and relationships mirror our own energies and vibrations.
What I am grappling with now is finding that fine line between conscious choosing and being intolerant or too easily offended. There certainly are many times when it is appropriate to just let it go and let it be, perhaps it’s a matter of choosing one’s battles. I feel a great sense of liberation in being unapologetically me and I will not put up with any bullshit from friends, acquaintances, work colleagues or strangers. I think what it comes down to is, deciding to put work and effort and tolerance and patience into the relationships I have chosen to nurture. To be ever open to wonderful new ones and to weed out those that insult my soul.
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Dr. Ellen Anne Burns is an actress, writer, mother, teacher, and student, not necessarily in that order. She was brought up in Belfast, Northern Ireland. She is a Doctor of Applied Theatre. She believes in a holistic spiritual practice, involving meditation, self love and discovery, learning and practicing forgiveness, gratitude and love every day. Ellen wishes to support and guide others on their own journey of self and love. She is a mentor on Gabrielle Bernstein’s-HerFuture.com and is thrilled to be one of the founding members of The Daily Sisterhood Blog. If you wish to contact Ellen please message her here, and she will respond as soon as she can.