The three residents in every woman
Part 2 (to understand you need to read part 1 first)
My prayer to the man I loved, to be kind and to catch my frightened heart before it fell down on the ground to die, had turned out to be a useless cry in the dark. The confrontation with the fact that he will not be taking care of my little girl was hard and the wounds from childhood opened up once again … I had to take the next step, I had to take the responsibility for the pain inside at last …
So you didn’t reach out to catch me…
Did you know? Did you see me falling? Did you feel my fear?
Is this a secret I am not supposed to know or just an act of absence?
You often remind me of an angel. The one that was hanging on the wall of my childhood bedroom, looking at me, with his healing hands wide open, watching my mother beat me up, night after night, year after year.
And every evening I folded my little hands in a prayer to him, a prayer she told me.
I wonder now, is this what angels do: watch little children suffer, with their hands wide open in a healing position?
I guess he must have kept her from killing me. I guess he gave me the power to survive. I guess it must have been him who kept my heart warm, loving and open all my life.
I never stopped believing in his love and presence, even when I am a little angry with him sometimes now, I wasn’t then.
It must have been hard for him to just stand by and watch it all happen.
It doesn’t seem to be easy to be an angel sometimes.
Then and now, I did survive.
I am sitting on the ground, holding my heart in my own hands now.
I guess I’ll give it some healing., to the woman and the child.
I will make some decisions and send an order to the universe to give them something nice.
It has to be over by now, no more dying.
As to attachments, this was a major one: The idea that angels help us the way we want…
They don’t, not even for little, hurt children…
They only do what they have to do.
When I practice to be one, I understand…
As for you, my angel, thank you for hanging on my bedroom wall, then and now…
Maybe you’ll step down now, to walk with me for a while?
I want you different now my love…
I (still) do.
To be continued in a few days…
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In the past 51 years I walked, ran, crawled… many roads on an ongoing journey to discover the inevitable freedom of the soul, the joy of being alive, the value of the teacher we call pain, the depth of human wisdom and the meaning of human madness. I have been deeply touched by the kindness in the eyes, hearts, words and helping hands of friends, teachers, soulmates, … even strangers. I have been all of that and all of them. The most valuable lesson I have ever learned is that ‘there’s nothing to fear’. For the next 51 years I am committed to share this awareness in everything I do. It’s a joy to share this blog with sisters so close to my soul and touching your life with my words fills me with deep gratitude. May these words carry the love from my heart to yours. Loesja Klimczak