The days of Heartbeat (1)


The three residents in every woman

Introduction

One of the most important transformations in my life was the discovery and healing of my ‘inner child’. In spiritual terms we all have an inner child of course and there are really many wonderful inner child healing methods. On my own healing journey I found it helpful to realize how my inner child was surrounded by two other residents of what I would call ‘my inner family’. Each of them had an important influence on what was happening to my inner child.
Next to that ‘inner family’ there was my mind that made sure that the show kept on going… my mind kept my inner child with her back against the wall for many, many years.

Until, one day… my mind stepped aside and the healing process rolled like a snowball down the hill.
To handle that process I wrote a script of the inner-family discussions that took place and by making the transformation visible and tangible I learned a lot about the mechanisms that make our inner child live the life of an orphan.
I discovered that every member of my inner family had a different agenda that didn’t go well with my inner child, and that they used my mind to make sure that everything stayed as it was, that the little girl inside of me could not raise her voice.

So once the mind stepped aside a little the faces of my inner family became visible. Next to the little girl there was ‘the mother’ and the ‘woman’ and to both my little girl was a burden.

As the mother and the woman refused to take care of the little girl for many years – subconsciously – I had been trying to find a man (a daddy) to put my little girl on his lap to take care of her. It never worked!
Most men were not interested in taking care of the little girl, most of them were interested to have a good time with the woman, or to be taken care of by the mother. Over and over again my little girl ended up standing in the cold rain, outside, not cared for, invisible.

Repetition is a good teacher, so I started to recognize that pattern of putting the responsibility for my little girl with my partners, but as I didn’t know how to solve the problem I just kept on doing it.
Until one day I fell deeply in love with a man who had a mission in his life, a mission I valued so much that in my heart I felt that I could not possibly put the weight of my wounded little girl on his shoulders and complicate his life with my expectations. I loved him too much to do that to him, and he would not allow it anyway. For the first time I was aware of the inner patterns before getting disappointed. I had to find a different solution, so I embarked on a deep journey.

Of course this pattern of ‘not cared for little girl’ was something that was programmed by my childhood. The psychiatric disturbed personality of my mother in combination with an emotionally absent father left my little girl only in the care of the guardian angel picture on my bedroom wall, and to my perception he wasn’t very helpful either.

I arrived at the crossroads of my healing process with a strong caretaker motivation. (I already was working as a healer, a counselor and as light worker) I had offered my life in service to the vibration of Lord Melchisedek (who is the ‘general manager’- vibration of light workers) and who I playfully used to call ‘Uncle Mel’.

In this and my following postings step by step I will be sharing the script of that healing process and this introduction should be helpful in understanding the full scenario.
It is my wish that by playing with this scenario you will be able to recognize your own inner family and that the sharing of my emotional process will encourage you to give your inner child this gift of healing too. Of course we all have our individual journeys and patterns, but I believe that by connecting to the transformation I went through emotionally you can find the key to your own inner family and help them heal.

In part one I share the last stage of ‘letting go of the imprisonment of the little girl by the mind’, and taking the risk to be hurt one more time, scared to death, but still hoping that ‘the man of my heart’ will be nice to her…

Part one

Whispering heart

This winter was supposed to last forever…
My heart was hanging at the highest branch of the naked tree of my mind.

Safe, and busy hanging out in the cold winds and the rain, it wouldn’t get into trouble
anymore, and no one could touch it, to hurt it, ever again.

Totally unexpected a feeling of spring came and the tree woke up to the warm and gentle glow.

The heart tried to figure out what to do, and so did the mind.
The blossoms of new life started to push the heart, to let go of the branch.

I was scared, it was scared, the mind was confused, the sun kept on shining, the life inside kept on waking up.

Then the heart started to fall, like a leaf, slowly moving down.
Feeling strange, like autumn, in the middle of springtime, the summer yet to come…

So scared to fall, but even more scared to reach the ground, to lay down, and die forever.

It seemed to last an eternity before, from the deepest source of silence, I heard my heart softly whisper its one and only wish, like a prayer to my loved one …

“Please, please, reach out your hand to catch me, before I reach the ground,… if you can…” !

To be continued in a few days …

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In the past 51 years I walked, ran, crawled… many roads on an ongoing journey to discover the inevitable freedom of the soul,  the joy of being alive, the value of the teacher we call pain, the depth of human wisdom and the meaning of human madness. I have been deeply touched by the kindness in the eyes, hearts, words and helping hands of friends, teachers, soulmates, … even strangers. I have been all of that and all of them. The most valuable lesson I have ever learned is that ‘there’s nothing to fear’.  For the next 51 years I am committed to share this awareness in everything I do. It’s a joy to share this blog with sisters so close to my soul and touching your life with my words fills me with deep gratitude. May these words carry the love from my heart to yours. Loesja Klimczak – http://www.mayanatlantyda.be

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About Loesja Klimczak - www.mayanatlantyda.org

In the past 53 years I walked, ran, crawled… many roads on an ongoing journey to discover the inevitable freedom of the soul, the joy of being alive, the value of the teacher we call pain, the depth of human wisdom and the meaning of human madness. I have been deeply touched by the kindness in the eyes, hearts, words and helping hands of friends, teachers, soulmates, … even strangers. I have been all of that and all of them. The most valuable lesson I have ever learned is that ‘there’s nothing to fear’. For the next 50 years I am committed to share this awareness in everything I do. It’s a joy to share this blog with sisters so close to my soul and touching your life with my words fills me with deep gratitude. May these words carry the love from my heart to yours.

15 thoughts on “The days of Heartbeat (1)

  1. Oh, my, Loesja…I never thought of anything like this, but it makes so much sense now. To finally “see” that there is still a little girl inside me, crying for someone to “please care for me too”, created a world of understanding where there once was none. You truly are a blessing in my life. ❤

  2. Loesja, your work is so deep and profound. I have done inner child work myself and with others but had not considered the “inner family”. As I consider it I find my inner family grows to illuminate the father, the grandparents, other children . . .how amazing to reveal this and that its never been revealed to me before. There are not words for how important this is. Thank you!

  3. so wonderful Loesja – so poignant and moving and makes sooo much sense, I hope he catches her! look forward to the next instalment. xxx

  4. This is so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing – what a powerful energy – I can’t wait for the next installment!! Much love to you sister!

  5. Thanks to all of you for your lovely comments… it really means a lot to me to be able to share this deep process with you and to feel that it not only benefitted me, but that it is having a positive effect in the lives of others… that makes me feel so gratefull… !
    Next part will be here in 3 days 😉 … love and joy to all of you !

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  7. Shokigly implicit … The research you did shows that you DO NOT NEED any hand to help you or to save you … You are so damn powerful and so strong .. I have noticed that so few men could ever have the ability even to notice it…. Selfishness or Studipidty ? we should differentiate. Another point … What about the inner little inner boy inside men? Should we ask partners and wives for help .. How to communicate to reach each other ? Oh dear Loesja … you brought up so many quesstions though. Finaaly, it’s amazing analysis. I will read up to part 4 and tell you separately what I see.

    • Missed Logic, you ask many good questions… I think all of them will be answered by every following post, I don’t want to spoil the process, so I hope you can practice patience :-). But when you still have questions after part 8 I will happy to answer them. I wish you a profound journey into yourself. Blessings, Loesja

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