The ‘age of Aquarius’ is alive.
We can hear its heartbeat in every corner. The ‘spiritual shops and salesmen’ are doing well.
Products are available in every size, color and quality. The quantity is large enough to keep us going for several lives.
Whether it works and how deep and on which level it works : if we pay attention we can almost smell the exciting perfume of change. Mankind is on its way to change the way to think, to do things, to react, to relate, to be.
It is a steady growth. The old destructive egotistical patterns are meeting and destroying themselves over and over again. In every corner of the world, a new sun is rising at the horizon. Sometimes hesitant, sometimes it is only a light bulb, sometimes covered by clouds quicker than the blink of an eye, sometimes – thank God! – just a little bit longer.
If we need to have a look at the face of destruction, the media is a good place to be.
If we want to look at the face of changes the age of Aquarius brings, a quick look at the faces of some people around us will do.
I love to look at the face of somebody facing the sun. I love to see the beautiful expression of inner peace and joy when the warm glow touches the heart and soul.
I love to see people being happy that way. With the changes going on every day we gain, little by little, a few more authentic reasons to ‘be’.
Yet are we?
Sometimes, yes. But more times still the grin of fear is challenging the sunshine, and brings on the deep suffering of the soul to the table of our little lives.
I am an observer. I watched the lack of happiness in people all my life. I watched it at the bottoms of life, slowly climbing the ladder of human awareness, right to the level of spiritual more maturing brothers and sisters.
I saw a lot of pain at the bottoms of life, and somehow the pain made sense at this level.
When we are digging in the mud it’s no wonder that we get tired, hurt, sick and dirty.
I thought that climbing the ladder of spiritual growth the amount of pain would be getting smaller and the fear would loose it’s power to control the people around me.
It appalled me to find out that I was wrong!
I saw people who have traveled a long way on the spiritual path, who had made immense efforts to grow, to clean their thoughts, to master their emotional reactions, with authentic intentions to serve and to love and to inspire others.
I saw the light shine through their faces, words and acts and I felt nourished by it so many times.
But then I found also an unexpected, hard to describe amount of pain in their eyes. In fact I saw something that really did the alarm bell ringing: I saw how the spiritual growth they had experienced in fact held them back from confronting the pain inside.
When a child is hurt it runs to its parents for comfort. The very fact that there is somebody stronger to run to is a consolation. When you are an adult and God is the only one you can run to, and you think you know the way, in fact you are maybe trying to guide people to Him already, and you find yourself looking at a pain or fear that eats you from the inside, where do you find the comfort you need while you are supposed to have it or to know the way to it already.
In your pain you maybe go searching for more knowledge, for something ‘right’ to do, to help you to go through the pain. This cannot be, you think, the bookshelves all around me are filled with loads of spiritual wisdom, my mind in fact is a library on its own, I wish so deeply to connect to Love in my heart and to exist and to spread my light from that point on.
So what am I missing, why isn’t it happening this time, how much more healing do I need, where will I find the guidance to get rid of these destructive patterns inside.
You cleanse, you meditate, you use every technique you learned, and the pain inside doesn’t go away for longer than a while.
Maybe you wake up one day and decide you have to make some extra effort, maybe you invest all you think you have left for an other one way ticket to Paradise and wake up in the morning in your own bed, in your own silly and painful life again. Disappointed, bankrupt, with only a few new invisible certificates of ‘I did it’ to hang on the wall of your emotional body.
Maybe they even can make you feel well for a while.
And a few days later you look deeper inside the mirror and you hate yourself for your weakness – or at least for what you think your weakness is.
Your behaviour is staring at you, you have a problem upon the problem now, you hate yourself a little for it, you hate hating yourself because you know that it will attract more destruction and lack of Love in your life, you don’t seem to be able to stop it, you still don’t know the solution, you wonder what drove you so far, you are loosing power on the subject, you can’t stand to look in the mirror any longer.
Then you start to beat yourself up: I should know better by now, I don’t have the power, I have to get ‘me’ out of the way, I am nothing but a bunch of bla, bla, …and so on.
Than you become angry at yourself, your lack of power, angry that there is no one outside to help you, angry at God maybe, who you are trying to serve for such a long time, and you still don’t seem to be able to get inside his Promised Land. You try to trust him but you don’t understand why he doesn’t reach out to get you over the edge of your pain after all ‘right now!’
You are filled with doubts, you don’t know about your past decisions and you don’t know about what to decide from this point on in your life. You feel like something is very wrong and still something is very right about you. If only you could figure out what, maybe then you could live at the ‘right’ side of life. The side God wants you to be.
You turn and maybe take another symbolic ‘beer or two’ to hide. You turn and pick up a shiny part of your life and try to polish it again – in the end you had those moments of inspiration, didn’t you? – maybe you can heat them up a little – or maybe you keep staring at the rocks of what you call ‘the disaster’ for a very very long while.
In the mean time you act as if nothing has happened to you, of course – who would understand?
Your friends tell each other that you are loosing it, and you know that you are. In the end your eyes of awareness are well opened, and you didn’t turn blind over night. And you know that even if you act as if you are, you’re not half as sure whether you are doing things right anymore.
Maybe you recognize yourself in these words, maybe a little, maybe more. Maybe you know somebody this is happening to amongst your loved ones. Anyway: when these words touch you, take courage, help and healing is on its way to you.
The last step to take is a step that needs no taking … the last step to take is to surrender… to trust, to feel that the ‘rose of your heart’ is pinned to the wooden cross of the vertical inflow of ‘spiritual energy’ and the horizontal outflow of the manifestation in matter and to know that it’s not by the effort of your ego that wants to be ‘happy and peaceful’ that this last step will be taken.
This is the place where we shift from doing into being. Being in the moment, no matter how hard it may seem. It’s in that being that the vortex to 5D opens… and instead of saving ourselves we transcend the duality within.
The last stage on the path is to surrender to the inner wisdom of the universe within, always. It’s not about ‘doing your best effort possible’… it’s about being what you have always been : just a little dot in the heart of the Divine Creation.
Don’t fear that dot… there is a world of bliss behind that courtain, there is a life of joy at the end of that birthing canal… trust … and learn the diffrence between giving up and surrendering to a higher YOU.
And remember : Love is always ‘Standing By’.
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In the past 51 years I walked, ran, crawled… many roads on an ongoing journey to discover the inevitable freedom of the soul, the joy of being alive, the value of the teacher we call pain, the depth of human wisdom and the meaning of human madness. I have been deeply touched by the kindness in the eyes, hearts, words and helping hands of friends, teachers, soulmates, … even strangers. I have been all of that and all of them. The most valuable lesson I have ever learned is that ‘there’s nothing to fear’. For the next 51 years I am committed to share this awareness in everything I do. It’s a joy to share this blog with sisters so close to my soul and touching your life with my words fills me with deep gratitude. May these words carry the love from my heart to yours. Loesja Klimczak