What now?

Well December 21st 2012 came and went and since this blog is posted I’m guessing there was not a cataclysmic disaster..no apocalypse ..no unique lining up of the planets with the resultant dramatic dawning of a new age of enlightenment.

My partner half laughed at me saying “you didn’t really think anything like that was just going to happen overnight did you?”

I don’t know what I thought would happen, but yes, I think I did hope for some major change marking the hearts of humanity.

Instead, I read something on the internet the other day about a child’s experiment involving a decoy turtle, with the surprising results being over how many people did not try to avoid hitting the turtle, but how many people actually swerved out of their way to hit it on purpose.

I came out of the movie Les Miserables tonight, (which by the way is a depiction of one of my very favorite musicals of all time) and there was a man in the parking lot who sped past me in his car going at least 50 mph, whereas I had to quickly step out of the way, only so he could round another corner a few minutes later and quietly park.

And that is just the little stuff. It doesn’t even take into account the absolute horrors that are on the nightly news or the massacre that took place in Connecticut a few weeks ago for which we still mourn.

Eckert Tolle is so right when he says “We are a species that has lost our way”.

I don’t care what religious doctrine you follow, this SURELY cannot be what Christ intended for us when he said “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12)

Jesus also said this “I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained.

Split a piece of wood; I am there.

Lift up the stone, and you will find me there.”

If I am to believe all is life and all life is energy, then how can anyone of us be any better or worse than another? How can we so dearly hold onto this illusion of separateness and build walls against one another, blame and maim and kill one another?

This is not a sermon. I am in no way standing on a pedestal. Nor, am I trying to convert anyone to believe anything. This blog is simply my view from my perspective. I am only awake enough to believe there has to be a better way.

And so I find myself so disappointed that there hasn’t yet been some kind of major shift. And I sit here in the darkness amongst the fallout of my dashed hope for some utopian existence, and realize I am still stuck with my own demons, my own sometime self- loathing and grief, and stuck in this aching and aging body. How beautiful it would have been to be in spirit now only!

Apparently, I still have a lot of work to do. It’s my own limitation to believe in some almighty grounded connectedness which would suddenly sweep through, erase all wounds, and cleanse me in re-birth. There is no magic candle, or chant or tribal music or even deep silence that can serve it up on a silver platter. I have to go through and untangle myself from myself.

I think that will be a good resolution if I choose to make one this New Year’s Eve. To untangle myself from all that I see has gone wrong and hold out hope to be the change.

It’s not like I haven’t  spent some time already trying to be that change. I let strangers into my heart until it was so full of their pain I couldn’t bare it any longer. I try to not hold grudges or judgments and to look at all people with love. And I’ll admit I have sometimes found it to be easier to feel love for perfect strangers than for a few people who had been close to, or are related to me.

I still have work to do.

With so much gone wrong, and the calendar having flipped over to new beginnings, where do we go from here? We can’t search for specific answers because we are not all asking the right questions.

There was an article in the NY times recently titled “Why, God”, by Maureen Dowd. (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/26/opinion/dowd-why-god.html?src=xps) In trying to figure out how to rationalize the suffering we cause one another, she says “One true thing is this: Faith is lived in family and community, and God is experienced in family and community. We need one another to be God’s presence.” Furthermore she says, “Suffering isolates us. Loving presence brings us back, makes us belong.”

SO, maybe as I sit here feeling weary of the world, the comfort to be found is to collectively enter into the chaos and pull together in love and compassion the best we can. The absence of a grandiose clean slate doesn’t mean we don’t hang in there and keep loving one another. We ARE in this together after all.

One of the best lines in Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables is ““To love another person is to see the face of God.”

We may still be struggling to be peace, but every moment is a new beginning and we ALWAYS have the capacity to journey forward with unconditional love.

It is all we have.

It’s all there is.



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