Heal Me Hold Me : the story behind the song


HEAL ME HOLD ME: the story behind the song:

There is an innocence we human beings arrive on earth with, an innocence as pure as freshly fallen snow on a long lost winter’s night. An ancient wisdom which is as deep as the Mariana Trench, and a trust which we are sure is unbreakable. An inner sense which comes from source and believes in goodness. Or perhaps it is not goodness, it is simply a place withheld of judgement and duality. A place of presence and being. It even takes us a couple of years to label it. For the first months “is” is simply “is”. Later we begin to put words on it and the rain is now rain. Sun is sun. Dog, dog. Hunger is hunger. We start to name it. Yet still, we do not judge it. We feel it and express it and deeply trust in it.

We believe that food is plenty and when we share what we need, we will be taken care of and nourished. We believe somehow that cookies will always appear on the kitchen counter and that when we are afraid in the dark, someone kind, will magically appear to take our hand and lead us through the dark until we find the light switch. Someone will hold us and comfort us.

So when does it shift, that we go from innocence and trust to doubt and a place of suspicion?

When do we stop questioning and allowing our curious mind to run freely? And, instead hide behind a deep sadness that we feel, because we are no longer the ones seeking and questioning. Now, our truth is being questioned.

What we deeply feel, is no longer relevant. What is relevant is that we project a feeling that fits the group picture. And so we begin to lose touch.

The deep trust that we always had to our inner voice, which we were so certain was unbreakable, is put to the test by people we love. It is rarely the strangers, it is normally our parents and teachers, people we love and respect, telling us that what we should be and could be and not listening to what we really are. The pain of not being able to express what we actually feel or think, and instead, substitute it with what we know is considered to be “acceptable” behaviour and a logical reasoning.

We try so desperately to belong, to receive the recognition, that we begin to run towards the other, the group, and most often in the process lose a big part of who and what we are.

So with time, it seems, we start to compartmentalize. We start putting some of our most precious gifts into trunks and tucking them deep inside. And we start learning, based on society and values of everyone else, what is “good” and “bad.” Who we should trust and who we should avoid.

We are told that doctors and lawyers and priests are very fine people, bankers too. When I grew up, they were the people to be nice to and always pay on time, you never know when you might need a credit or a loan. These guys were the kings in the town.

And so we slowly leave our intuition by the side and focus on doing well in school and building a career, and?

Full of so many cross messages, we are told to make friends and be open and honest and in the next line we are told, never trust a stranger, don’t take food from anyone, be careful who to ask directions from.

We find ourselves often going through the motions of life, and yet we sense that something is off. Yet we do not always trust it, until it is too late. Until we have gotten in way over our heads. Until we are in a place of no return. Following the perfect road laid out for us, we find ourselves in a ditch. Sometimes the road we followed was so perfectly created that we found ourselves end up in a chasm with steep walls, not knowing how in the world we did not see the drop off. Free fall.

I believe, after years of songwriting and opening voices and leading big retreats, we all have been there. We all have taken a road that looked so safe and good and full of promise and ended up being slapped awake and have looked life straight in the eye and saw a harshness we never could have imagined and never will forget.

Survival kicks in.

The prince on his white horse rides off into the horizon and we learn things about wolves dressed in sheep-clothing, hard lessons that not all is what it appears to be and that many of the things we have been told are not true.

We bury our dreams and all illusions of love come tumbling down. Inside we have crumbled. Outside we keep smiling. No one should ever know that we couldn’t grow the wings fast enough. That we had to crawl out of the desert on our knees before we found water. It is our deep secret.

Like a pirate buries his gold, we too had buried deeply our most precious jewels. We were on the run. We buried them deep and fast, in a place no one will ever look. Or so we hope.

No one should know of the heavy words shame or guilt that are tattooed in black spotty ink on our insides. We buried them too. They lay right next to the jewels together with a compass, which points due north.

We have marked all the important cross roads, taken notes meticulously and promise our true selves that we will go back someday to the place of innocence and gather up all the lost pieces that we left in our inner most caverns. We will return, when we are strong and brave, we will revisit the scene where we were torn in half, and transported by the wings of a falcon outside of the desert and dropped along the roadside. We will revisit and lay wild flowers in the place where we got our initiation.

The place where we had to muster so much light up from inside just to be able to see clearly enough to get our bearings.

And when the ghosts come knocking? What to do? We have our survival games that we have polished through the years of time.

And yet, never underestimate life. Life knows grace.

And grace descends when you finally accept all of you.

And there I stood with a handful of diamonds and a silly grin on my face. Laughing loudly.

Returned within the blink of an eye to the place of innocence.

Stay Gold;

Kara

Kara Johnstad singer - songwriter : cover design Linda Gavin

HEAL ME HOLD ME is a song that takes us where so few have been allowed to enter and brings light where few have dared sing…Is it possible to deeply heal, after you have been deeply wronged? Possible to erase the scars that line our darkest memories?

Hold Me Heal Me
Words and Music Kara Johnstad

(Poem)
Only a holy man
From desert sands
Could intuitively understand
The deserted barren lands
That held a well deep within

From a hollow to a cavern
Beyond her dry rough skin
Lay a small a trickle of
Cool water
Protected from the winds

Where the diamond sang her song
Her skin song – which spiraled towards her throat
Led by the smell of amber, the earth, argon oil
And the nudge of a billy goat

And then one late night
As the fire was a glow
His fingers whispered
Come – follow me – share your inner glow..

It is there… I know… I sense… I pull music out of skins…
And I know what lies slumbered deep deep within,,,

And ever so slowly he moved…
And ever so slowly quietly he breathed
Like a gentle breeze

And he warmed her
And he held her
And he loved her
And he made her a rose again

A desert Rose:
_____________________________________-
Heal Me, Hold Me
Words and Music Kara Johnstad

You simply love to love
And your earth brings out my heaven

Your finger tips
How they soothe my soul
Send ripples to my heart
In deepest trust
I open to you

Heal me heal me tonight
Hold me ever so tight
These desert rains are falling falling falling
Can you hear my spirit calling calling calling
Calling out your name.

The moon she speaks
To the fullness of this night
You wrap your strong arms around me
Your touch is pure as
You guide me to sweet release
Oh, love, open me…

Heal me heal me tonight
Hold me ever so tight
The desert rain is falling falling falling
Can you hear my spirit calling calling
Calling out your name to come and
Guide me home again
To the land of skin on skin
Where just one touch
Is more precious than gold
I slow down every breath
I’m so conscious of this step

I feel fragile
I feel weak
I’m too scared to even speak
Yet I know it’s time to be free

You guide me cross the rocks and fields
My body starts to slowly yield
Yes, this is exactly what I need

Your hands are full of love and care
Your eyes are soft, no ugly stares
As the ghosts start to dance frantically

Yes your love is pure
And I endure
The memories as they start to stir
And silent cries they start to release

Yes heal me heal me tonight
Hold me hold me so tight
Just take it real slow
Take real slow

Untie the ribbons wrapped around my soul
Salve my wounds and make me whole
As I place my heart in your hands

You’ll find secret places
An oasis
In this land of skin on skin
As you guide me back home again

As your fingers tap and gently slap
As you smoothe and gently move
You’re making this desert green again

Yes there are jewels in these caverns
And a song in every pore
Skin on skin
Deep within
I learn to trust in love again

Heal me heal me tonight
Hold me ever so tight
The desert rain is falling falling falling
Can you hear my spirit calling calling calling
Calling out your name

Spoken:

Only a holy man
From desert sands
Could intuitively understand
The deserted barren lands
That held a well deep within

From a hollow to a cavern
Beyond her dry rough skin
Lay her most precious jewel
Which she had kept
Protected from the winds

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Kara Johnstad is a creative visionary, transformational catalyst and a powerful voice in the time and age of transition. She is a singer / songwriter, creator of The Essence Radio Show™, and founder of the Voice Your Essence Mastery Program™. If you are ready to take your voice and your world to the next level, visit www.karajohnstad.com and sign up for free gifts and receive a free subscription to the VOICE YOUR ESSENCE eZine.

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About karajohnstad

Kara Johnstad is a creative visionary, transformational catalyst and a powerful voice in the time and age of transition. She is a singer / songwriter, creator of The Essence Radio Show™, and founder of the Voice Your Essence™ Mastery Program. Leading change agents, healers, personal development speakers and others recognize her as being a unique source of powerful truth and wisdom. As a top voice expert she has helped thousands with her "break-through" voice techniques and shares with us the secrets behind this powerful instrument and the role the human voice plays in fine tuning our Mind-Body-Spirit systems. Kara connects each and every week with subscribers from around the world via her Voice Your Essence™ eZine. Enjoy listening to Kara's soulful music as part of your daily ritual of reconnecting to source or jump onto the next level and experience personally the power of your true authentic voice with Kara Johnstad's VoiceYour Essence™ Mastery Program

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