Have you ever traced back the source of your emotions? Questioned the logic behind them or really analysed the validity of the source?
I rarely ever used to do that or even recognised that I could, but recently I have had some unique opportunities to trace pretty intense negative emotions back to their roots, to very revealing results.
Yesterday I woke up in the morning and went to drink some of my wheatgrass potion. I have developed a very odd, strong affection towards wheatgrass. It’s such an unassuming drink, prepared in seconds, never goes bad, costs a few pence per drink and is incredibly healthy. For me, it symbolises my life after my recent transformation and the healthy, vibrant future I get to live. It makes me feel alive and lively, and very, very blessed. Somehow, drinking wheatgrass reminds me that I am loved and supported by the Earth.
So when I went to the kitchen and found that all my food had been moved, it was the missing wheatgrass that sent me off the rails. I started smashing around the kitchen, practically screaming “where is my wheatgrass? Who stole my wheatgrass?”
Of course, I knew nobody had stolen the wheatgrass. Someone moved it. As I sit here 24 hours later I just took another big drink of wheatgrass, having found it last night. So claiming someone had stolen it was just the slightest bit, well, melodramatic. And who would want to steal wheatgrass anyway? Most people hate the stuff because it tastes like grass and dirt… they clearly don’t have the same emotional associations I do. (By the way, I have come to believe your emotional associations to your food and habits are the key to your health or lack thereof – I will address this some other day).
The thing that really struck me was as I was walking to work, I caught myself thinking “the worst thing about the fact that they did this to me is that now I will have to stay angry all day”. Or maybe my guide caught me thinking it – I’ve granted her deeper access now. Whoever or whatever it was, I found myself deep in conversation with myself…
Guiding voice: So why do you have to be angry all day?
Angry voice: Because. This was a violation of my personal space and I didn’t get to take my wheatgrass. And now I’m late for work. And it’s all their fault.
Guiding voice: That doesn’t answer my question.
Angry voice: Go away with your stupid questions. I can be angry if I want to.
Guiding voice: Yes, but you don’t like being angry. And if you keep being angry, then the people who wronged you in the first place keep control of you all day.
Angry voice: ARGH! Don’t you get it? I need to find my wheatgrass in the evening and I need to tell my flatmates never to touch it again. And if they lost it or threw it out I need to get them to reimburse me.
Guiding voice: And you have to be angry to do that?
Angry voice: Yes, because otherwise they won’t take me seriously and I’ll never get my wheatgrass back.
Really? That’s interesting.
Of course the minute I consciously shared that thought with myself, I realised I had revealed a limiting belief which was, of course, a load of nonsense. For a start, my wheatgrass was probably just in another cupboard, and being angry would actually impair rather than enhance my ability to find it. Even if someone did throw it out I could be firm without being angry. Lastly, my guiding voice was correct that the longer you stay angry, the longer you are giving your power away to whoever it is you are angry at, regardless of the circumstances and regardless of whether it was intentional of them to hurt you.
I checked in with my guiding voice again and it left me with one final piece of advice, which I will share with you now:
It is never your duty or responsibility to feel angry.
It is your right to feel angry if that is how you feel, but don’t force yourself to stay angry out of duty.