National Child Abuse Prevention Month – April
At the age of eight, a man entered my life but by the time I was thirteen he was dead. Although he had died he was still very much in my life because he had made impressions on me which changed who I knew to be as Lydia. Before him, I wanted to be Miss America and after him I wanted to be a prostitute but now I want to be ME. It was his message to me through his words and his physical actions that took me to an extremely confused place in my thoughts at such a vulnerable age. It took me many years to untangle the web that I found myself trapped in.
I would not ask to change anything about my time with this man. It is because of him being in my life that I knew what I did not want my husband to be like. It is because of the danger he put me in that I strongly believe in prayer. It is because of his presence in my life that I found my voice.
I do forgive him and I have prayed for him to be in peace because if he was that ugly with me then he had to of been even uglier to himself. And I do not wish that on anyone. Although he has passed, I do believe his essence (energy) lives on. So hopefully he does find peace sooner than later.
What has me spinning is the fact that years go by and then something similar to my childhood happens to someone close to me and I unravel, letting my memories use me when I know that it is the past and at this present moment I am fine. I should just keep focus on the great things I got out of this time and forget the bad. Or should I embrace the emotion every time it resurfaces? Well, as I read between the lines while writing at this point, I see it is when I recall hurt from childhood abuse that I know the joy of who I have become. I wholeheartedly feel for children who are growing with abuse in their life.
Reach out to more than one person, if you or someone you know is being abused.
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Lydia Gonzales Moreno enjoys mathematics and physics. Having a desire that everyone has a basic understanding of physics, she has created Polka Dot Physics as an introduction to the subject for children (http://polkadotphysics.com). Lydia is a contributor to The Daily Sisterhood Blog and believes that surrounding herself with wonderful women’s feminine energy is powerful. She also likes listening to hemi-sync waves and healing meditations. She is a mom of three and has been married to a wonderful person for 26 years.